Title: Part 1: The first three months
Author: Amber Moore
E-mail: sacredlustsandfear@yahoo.com
Fandom: Lord of the Rings (book cannon)
Pairing: Merry/Pippin
Series: The Old Took Charm
Archive: List archives, yes. Everyone else let me know first, please!
Rating: R for squickyness and sexual references.
Summary: It all starts with a strange craving.
Feedback: Is a very nice thing indeed.
Spoilers: None really.
Warnings: Okay. Laundry list here. Cousin incest, MPREG, one underage hobbit (we can't help it 33 is of age!) and weird food combinations.
Disclaimer: Everyone involved belongs to themselves and their creators. This is a work of fiction intended for fun and not profit. I've made no money off this venture and live only off the love of good fic.
Notes: This is for quai_dian, my new personal hero in hopes that it makes decent MPREG easier to find. Also, it's an AU stemming from book cannon set during the years between Frodo's inheriting the ring and the quest. However, you don't need to have actually read the book to understand the story. This is supposed to be funny, really. I just have a strange sense of humor.
They were mindlessly loafing about near a small stream they frequented when the whole debacle started. Merry was shamelessly eating his portion of the apple tart Pip had brought for the outing when the thought dawned on him. He really wanted to add ham to the otherwise delicious pastry.
"What 'cha thinking about?" Pip skipped a small pebble and looked over at his lover with a smile.
"Ham." Merry watched as Pip quirked an eyebrow. "This tart would taste really good with the honey ham like Ma makes."
Pippin laughed, leaning back into the soft grass and looking at Merry upside-down. "You sound like cousin Mertle."
"Yes, but Mertle is ready to give birth any time now." Merry was deep in thought, coming to the realization that he'd been craving strange combinations for almost a month now.
"Maybe you're pregnant." Pip laughed again, rolling onto his stomach and looking up at Merry with concerned eyes when he didn't respond. "It was just a joke, Merry."
Merry nodded, "I know, Pip, but this isn't the first time. Last week I caught myself eating pickles with chocolate sauce…and before that it was radishes and bacon."
Pip seemed at a loss for words. Merry on the other hand laid out on his belly beside his partner and put his cheek on the grass to face Peregrin. "Do you think it's possible?"
Pippin laughed again, "Yer bein' daft, Merry. You know as well as I do no male hobbit's been preggers for at least two generations."
"Yes, but maybe…maybe the charm is in Buckland." Merry's voice dropped to a whisper even though there wasn't a soul for as far as they could see.
"You believe that old wive's tale? It's just something crazy uncles tell their little nephews so they don't go off buggering their best friends."
"But we did." Merry's tone was grave. "The old Took charm." He hissed; "If the story's true then any lad who happened to engage in…certain activities…with the one who was in possession of the charm would be subject to a woman's curse." He told the warning from his own childhood memory.
"That's silly." Pip shook his head. "How could I have something cursed without knowin' about it? Come on, yer off the deep end."
Merry looked down at the earth, watching a ladybug in search of shelter, then shyly asked; "Well, how do you know when you're pregnant?"
"You're the older of us, you'd know better than me."
Merry mulled it over, "Well, throwin' up in the mornings."
"Aye, the sickness."
"And you get really moody. And you gain weight and eat weird things." Merry finished.
"You've only got one of those, I'm sure you're just wanting strange foods." Pip sat up and crossed his legs, brushing a bit of dry grass off his sleeves.
Merry rolled over onto his back and lifted up his shirt. "I've always been a bit stocky, but do I look like I'm any bigger?"
Pip giggled a moment, but then took on a more serious look and began to gently prod Merry's belly.
"Well?" Merry was anxious to hear Peregrin's findings, after all if anyone knew his body it was Pip.
Pip shook his head, "Nothing that can't be explained by the sheer amount of food you consume." Pip said it as a joke, but the answer did raise another good question.
"Do you think I've been eating more than usual?" True, Pip had only been visiting a couple weeks, but habits were habits.
Pip shrugged, leaning over the older cousin. "You've been eating 'bout the same as me."
Merry let out a flustered groan and in all seriousness muttered; "Then I must be eating for two."
"Hey!" Pip's smirk let Merry know he wasn't being taken too seriously. "Well, I suppose there's only one way to know for sure. Have you been waking up ill?"
Merry sighed and thought back. Actually, he'd been the shining example of hobbit health since he'd recovered from an extended case of the flu almost two weeks back. "Not since I got over that nasty flu."
"The one that lasted two months, but nobody else caught?" Pip raised an eyebrow.
Merry nodded.
"Not even me even though we shared a bed for almost the whole time?" Pip's face was screwed up in a manner that could only mean the gears were beginning to turn. "It was kinda funny that you were really sick first thing in the morning, but got around all right after lunch or so."
"The tea you made helped tremendously." Merry protested a little, unwilling to accept the obvious.
Pippin shook his head, "It's silly anyway, there's no chance that curse is still around. And if it was, why would I have brought it to Buckland with me? Seems like an old charm would be something obvious."
"Think Pip, that night almost three months ago when you came to visit last time…"
"Ah, when we made love like a pair of crazed rabbits?" Pip smirked.
"That whole week, did you have anything with you that you don't normally carry?"
"No, I don't think I did." Pip shook his head again, laying back down to watch the clouds rolling in. "Not that I remember much of that week."
"Well it's obviously in your possession, or it was that night." Merry searched back for anything noticeable. They'd consumed quite a bit of wine that week, and most of it got lost in the bottles if he'd noticed anything at all. "Is there even a possibility that this whole Took charm curse could be true?"
"Of course." Pip's voice was mellow, but without sadness. "I've heard all sorts of stories about Took's taking on the curse because they got a little too friendly with another lad, but it's been two generations since the last one…and that wasn't even a Took! It was a Bolger."
"Have any Brandybucks gotten it?" Merry swallowed.
"I don't know. But I heard that the poor Bolger lad took it back to the elf lady who cursed it and got rid of the thing."
"How *did* the curse come about, anyway?"
"My oldest cousin says one of the first Took generation in the Shire met up with an elf maiden who tried to seduce him, but he was in love with his best friend. So, the elf got all jealous and put a curse on his most prized possession so that when they were…intimate…his lover would conceive."
"Wow." Merry sighed. "Maybe the elf maiden didn't take back the curse."
"Like I said, even if it's still around it hasn't happened in a long time. How could I have the thing? Nobody even knows what it looks like."
"I don't know. Did anyone give you anything strange? Or did you find anything?"
Pippin clambered to his feet, helping Merry up in a silent agreement that it was time to head back. "I don't remember."
Merry nodded, accepting an apple produced from the small bag they'd filled early that afternoon. "I don't know what to do now. I expect we should just start askin' about it."
"We could always go down to the pub, have a couple of halfs and forget about it." Pip shrugged.
"Until I'm eating a pickle flavored jelly." Merry sighed.
"Okay, how about I write a couple letters to people that know about the Took charm and you work on learnin' bout babies?"
Merry sighed again; sadly it was their best option.
<><><>
Almost three weeks had passed and Pippin's correspondence yielded more or less everything they already knew. Merry had learned a great deal about being pregnant from talking to just about every lass in Buckland that had a litter and had fallen into a depressed fear and taken to spending long nights reading books about how to be a good mother. Of course, most of the ladies he'd talked to were now convinced he'd gone and knocked up some lass and the gossip was already starting in an effort to find the unlucky girl.
Pippin had gone through the few belongings he'd brought with him again and again looking for some odd trinket he hadn't noticed before. Everything was accounted for; if he'd even had the charm to begin with he didn't know where he put it.
Then, as they were laying in bed the night before Pip was planning to return to Tuckborough to look for more information, Pippin sat bolt upright and exclaimed, "I've got it!"
"What?" Merry set down the bit of carrot cake with blueberries he'd been munching and the book he'd been half-reading.
"I was sittin' here watching you read your book when it hit me, I think I know what the charm is."
"It's a book?"
"No, but the book you were reading reminded me of the first day I was down. We went out to the ferry and were drinking that bottle of wine."
"And?"
"Just let me finish!" Pip sighed, obviously not in the mood for brevity. "So we were layin' around and you were reading your book, so I went to pick some apples. When I came back we finished the wine and the apples and found that strange blue marble in the bottom of the sack."
Merry waited for more, but the look on Pip's face said that was the revelation. "The marble?"
Pip nodded, "It's the strangest marble I've seen. But I completely forgot about it because we were so drunk that night."
"Well, where is it?"
"I don't remember."
"Did you take it back to Tuckborough?"
"Maybe."
Merry growled to himself, very frustrated. "Well, Pip…love…where would you put a marble when you're drunk?"
Pippin stifled a laugh, "Who knows?" He shook his head, then added, "I don't think it matters since you're already pregnant."
"We don't know that for sure." Merry picked up the last bit of blueberry carrot cake and hastily finished it.
"Fine. If you are…I think we're on our own." Pip laid back down, putting his hand on Merry's bare stomach.
After a long pause, Merry asked what seemed to be the inevitable question. "Do you really think I am?"
"You started this." Pip shook his head.
Merry felt the tears welling up in his throat. All the signs added up, and he supposed he'd known all along…even when he got ill for almost two months…something was definitely amiss. Holding back the sob, he mumbled; "What're we gonna do?"
"I don't know." Pip sounded just as confused as Merry.
"Well that was helpful. Let me know when you *DO* know something, Peregrin Took!" Merry wailed in a tone loud enough to wake the light sleepers of Brandy Hall (which were a thankful few).
Pip sucked in his lower lip not unlike a child ready to cry at any moment.
Merry continued, now sobbing freely; "This whole mess is your fault! If you hadn't found that stupid marble I wouldn't be pregnant with my younger cousin's baby!"
"Yeah? Well if you'd have kept your trousers on for once we wouldn't be in this mess!" Pippin flopped over, turning his back towards Merry and burrowing in the blankets.
"So now it's my fault we decided to screw around?" Merry's sobs died down to muffled crying as he rolled the opposite direction and buried his face in a feather pillow. "You're the one that said nobody would ever know and it was okay because we were in love."
Just as Merry began to feel completely hopeless, he felt Pip's strong arms worm their way around him, pulling him closer. "I'm sorry I got you pregnant, Merry." His words were choked and Merry could feel his cousin's tears on his bare back. "But I'm not sorry that I love you."
Merry sniffed back what was left of his tears and rolled over in Pip's embrace to face his companion. "I'm sorry I blamed you. I should have thought about what I was saying, it's not anyone's fault. I'm just scared about all this."
"You aren't angry with me?"
"No real sense in being angry now, is there? The facts remain the same…I'm still pregnant, you're still underage and we're still cousins."
They sighed in unison and Merry rolled onto his back, trying to get more comfortable. Finally, he'd composed himself enough to say; "What are we going to do when I can't hide it anymore?"
"How long do you think we have?"
Merry shrugged, "I wouldn't say more than a month, by summer I'll be big as a house like my mum was."
Pip nodded, apparently lost in his own thoughts again. After a long silence he responded; "We could stay with someone we trust until the baby comes."
Merry wasn't sure if Pip was actually serious, but went with it. "But who do we know well enough to keep this a secret?"
Of course, the answer was clear before Pip even answered quietly; "Frodo Baggins."
Old cousin Frodo would certainly take the news best. Since Bilbo left (it seems so long ago) he could undoubtedly use the company. As for secrecy…Frodo didn't really have anyone to tell. He'd never had a tongue for gossip and really only discussed matters with his gardener. Merry nodded in silent agreement.
"He's the only one that knows about…us." Pip added to the thought. "He hasn't said an unkind word about it since he found out."
"So it's settled, then? We leave for Hobbiton as soon as possible." Merry opened his bedside table and found his quill and ink and some nice paper he usually used for his most important correspondence. "I'll write Frodo and let him know we're coming."
"What are you going to tell 'im?" Pip sat back up as Merry used his book for a writing table.
"I don't know. I suppose we need a good reason to give such short notice." Merry sighed, "And it'd be right stupid to say outright I'm with child."
"How about 'Frodo, Peregrin Took is gonna be a father, we're comin' to celebrate.' it's short and simple." Pip smirked.
"Just like you." Merry laughed and inked his quill. "No, I think that would probably be a bad idea." He began to scratch out a letter in his neat script.
Pip read aloud as Merry wrote; "Dearest Cousin Frodo. I have recently taken ill and must escape Brandy Hall. Peregrin will be escorting me from Buckland to Hobbiton two days after the sending of this letter. Don't be alarmed, I'm in good hands."
Merry looked over at his lover after signing his name with a flourish. "Good?"
"I don't like it." Pip sighed; "Now Frodo's gonna think you're deathly ill and worry about our trip."
"I think it's fitting, seeing as I have no idea how we'll get there."
Pippin appeared to once again be thinking too hard for his own good. "I don't suppose a hobbit in your condition could be expected to walk to Hobbiton."
"It's not that far." Merry began to put his writing equipment away and sealed up the letter before adding; "We could make it if I take it slow."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm in good enough shape if we leave soon, but the longer we wait the worse off I'll be."
<><><>
The journey went off at first without a hitch. They estimated it would take three days to reach Bag End and packed enough food and drink for four. The first day was quiet, just their usual merriment…they could have been going anywhere. But the second day, just as they were resting a bit and eating a small second breakfast, disaster struck.
"Pip, could you get me the cream?" Merry took a bite of sweetbread and reached for his tomato.
"I'm not going all the way back to Buckland for cream." Pip smirked.
"You didn't bring any? I specifically remember askin' you to pack the cream!" Merry pouted, unsure of why the bloody cream meant so much…just knowing that it did.
"I know Merry, but cream doesn't travel well and I figured you wouldn't need it."
"How am I supposed to eat this without cream?"
Pippin turned up his nose in disgust and finished off his meal. "Well, you'll just have to wait until we get to Frodo's."
Merry's temper flared and his mind raced through all the angry things he wanted to say. Instead, he said nothing.
The remainder of the day was rather dull, as Pippin kept asking Merry how he was doing and getting no answer. Then he'd apologize again for not bringing the cream, and for thinking cream on sweetbread was disgusting. It didn't help, Merry was still silent.
Of course, Merry still couldn't understand why he was so angry at Pippin, but continued his silence in both their best interest until the second night when he gave in to Pip's apologizing for everything up to and including being born.
"I'm sorry I made you angry." Pippin sighed, passing Merry the bread.
Merry picked at his bread, staring at the small fire they'd built for a moment. Then, he spoke to Pip for the first time since that morning; "It's not your fault, Pip."
Pip actually looked amazed that Merry had said anything at all, let alone that it wasn't his fault. He managed to blurt out, "Glad you decided to join the conversation."
"I know there's no way to explain why the cream made me angry." Merry sighed, "I was just so upset that you didn't bring something I asked you to."
Pip nodded; "Sorry 'bout that."
"Would you just stop apologizing! Honestly, it's not your fault I'm like this."
"Actually…" Pip sighed, "If I hadn't found that charm, or even bent you over the bed that night…we wouldn't be in this situation."
"I suppose we're both at fault, then." Merry shrugged and leaned back a little, "It was both of our decisions to do it. I should have known better, given that you're not even of age…but we all make our decisions and this one just happened to have a rather undesirable consequence."
"I suppose." Pip nodded.
They finished their meal in silence and laid back under the stars to catch a little sleep. Merry was almost dreaming when he heard Pip's voice beside him, softly. "Though it's not such a bad thing, really."
"Hmm?" Merry rolled over, his eyes half open. "What do you mean, Pip?"
Pip snuggled up close so Merry was almost draped over him. "I just mean that I'm going to be a dad, and you'll be a mum. It'll be fun."
"Fun? You obviously haven't been left in charge of your younger cousins. Babies are loud and messy and they smell funny." Merry sighed.
"Sure, but maybe he'll be like us. With my good looks, and your smarts. And maybe it won't be so bad raisin' him up together."
Merry rolled away, he hadn't thought that far, really. He was too busy going over the fact that his life was going to be a nightmare for the next six months that he hadn't even gotten to actually raising the child. A sudden sad thought struck him, he'd have to explain the baby when they returned home…and just why Pip wasn't going back to Tuckborough (assuming he'd want to stay). "I don't know if we'd be able to raise up a child together, it's strange enough that we stay together on our visits…what happens when we want our own hole?"
Pippin sighed and there was another long pause before he answered. "I suppose you'd have to take a wife."
"I couldn't, Pip…it just wouldn't be right."
"Well, I'm sure Frodo wouldn't want us to stay with him forever, and eventually we'd have to go home and explain where this baby came from. I'd sooner have to play 'Uncle Pip' than get us both exiled from the Shire."
Merry felt a tear slide down the side of his face and he bit into his lip as Pippin leaned against him again. "I don't want to think about it right now."
"All right." Pip's voice was calm, as if he'd been expecting that to happen.
Merry closed his eyes against the night and tried not to dream at all.
<><><>
The third day was quiet like the first, but without the joy they'd had before. Merry's feet and back were sore and Pippin was beginning to feel the burden of his mood swings. It was nearly dusk when their path took them to Frodo Baggins' front gate.
Frodo was sitting out in the gardens smoking a pipe and watching them with a look that said more than they needed to hear. He was obviously worried.
"Well if it aint a Baggins." Pip smirked as Merry went ahead of him up the walk and he greeted their cousin.
"You're late! I was expecting you yesterday. I thought you'd have a carriage, or ponies at least. I can't believe you walked the whole way with Merry sick!" Frodo took Pippin by the ear, "You know better, Peregrin Took!"
"It was his idea!" Pippin protested as Merry let himself into Bag End and Frodo led him up the walk. "Honest, he's doing great considering!"
"Let him go, Frodo. I'm all right!" Merry called from where he'd collapsed on a comfortable sofa in the great sitting room.
Pip yelped when Frodo let go of his ear and called out; "I was worried about you two."
"I know." Pip sighed as they met up with Merry, who had already taken advantage of the comfort and sprawled out on the sofa.
"How bad is it?" Frodo's face was more than concerned as he knelt beside his sweaty friend, pressing his hand to Merry's forehead. "How long have you been ill?"
"About three months." Pip sighed, sliding into a high backed chair. "Give or take a few days."
"Three months? You've been sick for three months and didn't write me until last week? I could kill you both!" Frodo put his head on Merry's wrist, then was suddenly wracked by a sob as his thoughts followed to the natural conclusion, "Oh, my, you're dying aren't you? But you're so young!"
"I'm not dying." Merry sighed, "Though when this is through I may wish I was."
Frodo sat back and wiped away his tears, managing to regain a little composure. "Well, what's going on, then? You're ill enough to leave Buckland, but well enough to walk the whole way!"
Pippin took a deep breath and asked; "Do you remember being told about the old Took charm when you were younger?"
"I know Tooks can be charming, but I've never heard of a Took charm before." Frodo smiled, looking slightly confused.
"A long time ago, one of the first Tuckborough Tooks was cursed by an elf maiden and now it's come back to haunt us." Merry deadpanned.
Frodo looked at Merry, then at Pip and raised an eyebrow. "Go on."
"I think we could use some tea first." Merry sighed.
When Frodo returned with the tea, Merry and Pip took turns telling the legend of the charm and then about Merry and how they'd gotten really drunk and found a marble and Merry ended up pregnant correcting each other and adding information where they could.
After he'd heard the tale, Frodo sat back against the couch while Merry sipped his the last of his tea. The first question out of their host's mouth was; "Are you sure?"
"There's no other explanation." Pippin rubbed his eyes, sleepy from the trip and glad to be indoors.
"I'm three months pregnant." Merry rubbed his stomach and smiled as best he could, "Do you happen to have any cream?"
End Part 1
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